Born to dine with dissipation, what we capture is regarded as pure, what we fail to grasp we lack conception of. I find myself seeking an abyss to crawl within and immerse myself in an eternity of solitude lacking all indication of my loneliness. That’s the fault of loneliness it’s recognized by the impudent mocking spectators. I feel deprived and as yet hollow, seeing within and without this carcass we call a body.

Today is the date of my birth, what that ratifies is that I was once existent and conceived at a moment I am no longer welcome to. I think the disregard time and space has for our subjectivity is far more disdainful then social confrontations. It’s frequently misconceived that occurrences in time and space diminish, I presume they eternally exist embedded in there own realm of subjectivity, merely lacking an objective presence to possess them.

I find it comical that the concept of dates and the documentation of time are as illusive and abstract as ones conception of God. It sickens me to welcome this transition to rationalization, and structure. I believe the laws of our universe are imbued by our sensations to destroy and create. It’s also another misconception that creation is birth and contrivance, creation is just a variation of destruction. What is created is the destruction of what was, what is possessed is the embodiment of fluctuation and refinement for the current state which will be consumed by the contemptuous wrath of future change.

Yesterday I ventured to a bar and consumed a sufficient amount of alcohol, there I was situated amidst this atrocious milieu just pondering, is this designated location to attain satisfaction the infinitude of my existence? Am I an anticipating subject merely awaiting a convivial moment of ignorance to acknowledge my own nothingness? People like to drink because it allows them to recognize there lack of existence idealistically speaking with due satisfaction. There drunkard stupor refines the lack of existence they have with the process of becoming more intoxicated. Sitting so sordidly these putrid creatures struggle to resist the temptation to close there half open eyes. In fain merit questioning nothing but the propagation of there own place in space and time, little do they know it’s already over.

This sardonic beast approached me and stole my subjective eternity. I was disgruntled by his interjection though compatible with his complacency and thus dined with the fool. Due to may lack of love and value I presume I regard hate, irritation and misery with much enthrallment, and thus pursue it seeing as it’s the closet thing to a feeling I have. I was enticed by his immaculate ignorance; it showed no fear, and it displayed immortality, complete and utter immunity to all gruesome and tragic circumstances. I think the lack of logical discernment implements him and those alike into a chaotic idealistic realm with no consequence, morality or order, and lacking the conception of this idealistic universe which is in constant change they acquire immediate value through this device called laughter and satisfaction. The chaos of there non structuralized universe dissipates and is replaced by the occurrence of lust. This creature exists beyond time, reaction is his reality.

If we are to affiliate humans to certain symbols which identify there existence, i.e. faces, emotions, social orders, I think the more logical surface or substance they relate to is that of a plant. They simplistically exist lacking the meticulous difficulty of rationalization, and spirituality, no conception of place, or distance, existent to feed upon the ambient particles of air which identifies nothing but stimuli reaction. Much like our dear friend from the bar, though we can exchange the air this plant like creature consumes with alcohol. I think humans are a collective generalization encompassing certain values and qualities that are frequently maintained by the life of individuals, and if this assumption is the definition of humanity then I sincerely have exceeded it.

These creatures flee subconsciously from all danger or misanthropic idealism, because it ceases the exuberance of there reactionary existence. I presented the plant like fellow yesterday my regard for Nazism and SS tattoo, they flee as beasts do upon seeing flames. So much do they abhor my presence. Sanity is a condition I apparently do not possess due to my nature of existence.

Do they not see the wretched filth of there own existence and of the disgust walking amongst or with them? Why is it that our society advocates for the inferior, the suffering, and decaying, the retarded and incapacitated, how is it that they misconceive so sufficiently the essence they are attempting to embrace. So blindly do they assist there fellow filthy fucking putrid fellow, not even regarding the fate of there doomed reality. So obliviously does this disease life fluctuate, I want out of it.